Change you can believe in taking home to your mother

The internet has been a bit quiet lately. A little too quiet, if you ask me. I don’t know if it was something I said, but there’s been a dearth of animal hijinx or videos of drunk girls dancing in their underwear lately.

Could this be due to one of the few remaining pieces of America’s soul being taken out back to the ridiculous shed and slapped in the face with irony’s dick? Who’s to say. I’m just reporting the facts on the ground. Far be it from me to opine needlessly¹.

With all that in mind, however, I present to you a welcome respite from hitting yourselves in the genitals with a ball-peen hammer soaked in Tabasco sauce: a video I could have easily made myself², that seems appropriate given the state of the nation.

America, vote for Dave. He may have douchey friends, be kind of poor, and probably a latent homosexual, but he’s still more qualified than Princess Mooseburger³.

1. By the way, when the hell did I become this interested in politics? John Stewart, I blame you. If only he had stayed in the movie business. [↩]
2. If I had ambition, friends or a camera. [↩]
3. We would have also accepted Caribou Barbie [↩]

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