My acquaintance,

My acquaintance,

Dear John,

Honestly, I’m quite flattered, but I don’t know if it’s really accurate to call us “friends.” I mean we hung out a couple times sure, and I had fun, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want you, or anyone else, to get the wrong impression or anything.

I’d also appreciate it if you didn’t text me so much anymore; sometimes Barry looks through my phone and I really don’t want to screw this up. Not that he’s the jealous type, but it’s all still pretty new and I just want to avoid making the same mistakes I have in the past. *Fingers crossed!*

If you still feel like you need to talk, could you please not wait until three in the morning? It’s pretty obvious you only have one thing on your mind when you call me up that late.

I’m not saying you did it, but you know that picture of me and Barry from our trip to Hawaii that I keep in the hallway? Well, it looks like his face was burned off with a cigarette or something. Maybe it was an accident? I know you can be a little clumsy sometimes. I promise I won’t be mad; I just want to know what happened.

Speaking of Barry, I hear you’ve been asking around about him. I appreciate your concern, and I know I haven’t exactly shown the best judgment in the past, but this feels different, you know? Plus, I’m sure he’d be happy to answer any questions you might have directly. There’s really no need to drag all your friends into this.

Also, could you tell your friend with the glasses to quit winking at me all the time? She’s pretty hot, but I heard she has like five kids and her husband looks like he could kick the ever loving shit out of me and is just waiting for an excuse. I do not need that sort of mess in my life right now.

So anyways, good luck tomorrow, I hear you could use it, and just try to cool it with the “friends”, ok?

Respectfully,
America

Comments

6 Responses to “My acquaintance,”

  1. missprufrock on October 15th, 2008 7:56 am

    DON’T even wish him good luck as a joke!

    aside from that, you’re a funny, funny man.

  2. Dog Party on October 15th, 2008 10:42 am

    ms. missprufrock, didn’t i wish you a happy birthday the other day? i never recieved a thank you card for that. are you still married to that mexican fellow?

    i’m going to go give mom a hug…MOM!

  3. missprufrock on October 16th, 2008 12:07 pm

    ohhhhh, was that a happy birthday to ME? i might send a thank you card if i knew who you are and where you live. i think mom was some kind of clue…but too obscure for my ancient old brain, now that my birthday has come and gone.

  4. Ricardo on October 18th, 2008 8:22 pm

    @1 – I meant luck in not sneezing and blowing out a knee. You don’t need luck when you’re fighting terrorists. For God. As to your second point, yes.

    @2, @3 – I’m not running a dating service here. Although…

  5. Dog Party on October 18th, 2008 10:43 pm

    I cannot reveal my true identity as it would compromise my mission: http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/004233.html

    How do you make stuff into links on this thing anyway?

    Now if you’ll excuse me…Gotta start turning basket-balls into medicine-balls.

  6. Ricardo on October 21st, 2008 8:30 am

    Right now your mission is making me some donuts.

    Instructions on how to do fancy shit in comments are up now. This is me making sure they’re correct.

    This is a link, or should be. If it’s not, I blame you.

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