Time Makes Fools Of Us All

2009 is not off to a great start. For one, I was absolutely smoked at Trivial Pursuit by a vastly inferior opponent.

For another, holy shit, it’s 2009! What’s that? January’s almost over? No, that can’t be. That would mean I wasted another lunar cycle of my life with nothing to show for it.

Crazy talk.

I’m 26, people. That’s how old Orson Welles was when he made Citizen Kane. Think about that for a second. The implications are as obvious as they are sobering.

This is the Citizen Kane of blogs.

Logic.

Let’s just hope my Huggies™ commercial is as successful as this one.

May the new year bring a much needed change in fortunes, and if all goes to plan, *fingers crossed*, the triumphant return of the Arch Deluxe.

Movers and shakers.

SkyNet knows me by name. Jealous?

The internet has already accurately guessed my sex.

And now it’s trying to get even further into my head.

INTP – The Thinkers

The logical and analytical type. They are espescially attuned to difficult creative and intellectual challenges and always look for something more complex to dig into. They are great at finding subtle connections between things and imagine far-reaching implications.

They enjoy working with complex things using a lot of concepts and imaginative models of reality. Since they are not very good at seeing and understanding the needs of other people, they might come across as arrogant, impatient and insensitive to people that need some time to understand what they are talking about.

I resent the implication that I am some sort of unfeeling monster blithely unaware of the havoc I wreak in others’ lives.

I’m very aware.

I’m deeper than most people think. On the surface I’m carefree and happy, but deep down inside, I’m intense and moody. I’m sensitive; I feel things.

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Pox Populi

Posting here has been somewhat lax as of late, but I’ve been sick. Also, I’m not getting paid for this shit.1

Which reminds me, I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with new a revenue model, and while there are many tempting tried and true methods for using the internet to make money,


(via riot clit shave)

I have decided to go a more traditional route:


sponsorship.

I know the choice is a bit unconventional, but I remain convinced that this will prove a long and mutually beneficial relationship.

Humans, I’ve been doing this in earnest2 for half a year now. I think it’s time we got fucking serious. So I made a few changes around here.

First, some background.

A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.

- Thomas Mann

If this is the only criteria, then I no longer have any qualms about referring to myself as a writer.

This may come as an unwelcome shock to a few of you, certainly not the fine folks at Kimberly-Clark, but I consider some of what I do here writing “jokes”. The funny thing about “joke writing” though: the more you do it, the more your standards for what qualifies as a joke start to loosen. This is as much as a matter of practicality as it is of perception.

The problem being that it is almost impossible for me to objectively gauge anything I put up here. If I say it, of course I think it’s genius. Otherwise I wouldn’t say it.

How can you tell what shines brightest in a room filled with lusters?

In order to better serve you, my indifferent public, since none of you can be bothered to leave comments, what with that raging case of syphilis going around the internet, I figured I’d make it easier and just ask you outright.

{democracy:2}

I’ve also replaced a static, somewhat confusing popularity ranking for posts with an interactive voting system. I don’t expect anyone to go back through the archives, but if you just quickly scanned whatever’s on the front page, or if there’s a post you had particularly strong feelings for, of malice or otherwise, I’d appreciate a rating. It requires less thought that actually leaving a comment, since we all know how much it’s in short supply these days.

And I finally got around to finishing the about page only six months late. I do it for you guys. I do it all for you.

Back to all business as all usual.

  1. Oh and no one reads this. []
  2. Not to mention Verne. I bet some Huggies would come in handy right about now. []

History welcomes you, sir.


(via The Big Picture)

Throw it down, big man! Throw it down!


(via The Big Picture)

That expectant look on the face of the guy in blue? Get used to that look Mr. President.

Just Barely

Is George W. Bush Still President?

Tick Tock Motherfuckers!


(via The Big Picture)

You don’t have to go home, but you have to get the fuck out of here.

Dispatches from the pleasure center of America

Just got back from Vegas. This just about sums up my impressions of the city.


(via molls)

El Rey ha muerto, ¡Viva el Rey!

The most famous Ricardo is dead.

Looks like I have some big white shoes to fill.

I Heard It Through the Foreclosurevine

In Detroit for instance, Century 21 Villa owner Randy Eissa has a three-bedroom, one-bath bungalow of about 1,000 square feet listed at just $500.

- CNN

Overly affordable housing, an industrial infrastructure that just received an generous influx of federal funds, and a record shattering NFL team? Motown here I escrow.

Happy Birthday to one or both of these individuals.


Congratulations on outrunning all would be predators. Don’t worry though, I’m getting faster everyday.