Chairman of the Hoard

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You mean if I had just continued to live in abject filth and chaos I could have gotten a pet out of the deal? Why did nobody tell me?

Viruses and germs, meet my new favorite tv spectacle. A “reality” television show that’s completely upfront about the severe emotional and psychological issues of all its contestants? Sign me up! Well, my mom at least.

What does it say about me that even ‘1’ seems pretty disorganized. Oh right, that I grew up somewhere that was between a ‘4’ and a ‘5’. And that subsequently, the sense of relief I get from a clean and neat room is somewhere between an orgasm and a sneeze.

But, if you want to watch a heap of sad people struggling with mental illness receiving some haphazard treatment, as a television network profits from their misery, all the while questioning what happens when humans are forced to live in inhuman conditions and what it means when those conditions are ostensibly of their own choosing, and sporting half a chub, or better yet, the female equivalent1, well, then you just might be as demented as I am. We should talk.

I still wonder though, if this show actually helps any hoarders that aren’t actually on the show. Do they watch and realize they have a problem and that help is out there or do they breathe a huge sigh of relief because at least they’re not as bad as those freaks on Hoarders, A&E, Mondays 10/9c?

I bet the “hoard” is spelled w-h-o-r-e-d.

  1. A quarter can of tuna? I tried. Sadly, I tried. []