About
I apologize for the self indulgence of this picture, but it is to be expected. My father is literally named Narcissus. Also, I am the single greatest human mind to ever stalk the earth. Or possibly the worst. History will prove a harsh but fair judge.
Normally this sort of biographical copy is written in the third person, to maintain a sense of modesty. Since it’s much too late for that, I eschew all norms and blog in your general direction.
The Complex:
This site first stepped out of time and into history on October 5th, 2004, coming to an end less than a year later, shortly before Hurricane Katrina left its grisly mark on the gulf coast. Mediocrity Complex 2.0 lasted from September 2006 until May 2008, right around the time a deadly earthquake struck central Colombia.
Coincidence?
Yes.
Or possibly not. Who’s to say? Based on the duration of the previous iterations, I suggest you gird yourselves now against some unknowable catastrophe in two years time, and of course against the eschaton on December 12, 2021.
There are currently
More about the site:
- This is a page on the internet.
- The internet is a series of tubes.
- Tubes are cylindrical conveyances used to transport various goods and materials and sometimes for sexual intercourse.
- If the internet is to be believed, sexual intercourse is a thing adults and, on occasion, “teenagers” engage in with an alarming frequency, not to mention ferocity. I still have my doubts.
- Doubt can occur when there is not enough information available or there is something impeding said information from reaching you.
- Like a drunken, self-loathing stupor, fueled by the vague promise of sexual release and absinthe, resulting in a night filled with foolish dares, fried foods, broken heart(s), bottomless regret and most tragically, a friend convincing me that starting a blog would be a good idea.
- Those were crazy times.
- Crazy times are basically what the internet was invented for.
- This is still a page on the internet.
More topical than personal (you’d be surprised how difficult it is to maintain a lively social calendar when you have, in fact, been pickled by your hatred towards others), more clever than funny (and before you ask, it’s working out great for me), more random than focused (try being focused when every three minutes the world conspires to bombard you with something so inane, so absurd, that your already tenuous-at-best grip on reality quavers like so much Jell-O brand pudding), this is where my delusions of mediocrity play out on the page.
Everybody prints out all my posts and reads them while stopped at red lights on their Hoverounds™ on the way to get a Grand Slam special, right?
For years now, people have been telling me I’m a good writer. This is where I do my best to prove them wrong.
The Author:
A sundry list of things that, to varying degrees, are true about me:
- I’m in my mid twenties.
- Some might say I am unusually hairless. Whether this sentiment is borne of envy or petty spite who can say?
- What little hair I do possess is turning copper red in places. Dark and mysterious places.
- It brings me a certain level of comfort to know that I live on the sacred ground where Manifest Destiny came to die, where The Great White Hope ran out and civilization came up against an intractable wall. Unless you’re reading this from the moon, in which case moonfuck you! Get back to your moonjob mining moonjuice.
- MOON!
- Something is “all messed up with my brain.”
- I am statistically half white.
- I am now approximately ⅔rds as massive as I once was.
- I’ve been called many things in this life, but if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a communist. I may be an asshole, a miserable human being, a coward, a communist, but I am not a porn star.
- That I know of.
- Mistakes were made.
- Look, all I’m saying is that on more than one occasion, I’ve been told that I have a very photogenic
cockface.
- To set the record straight, once and for all: I am not allergic to alcohol, alcohol is allergic to me.
- My favorite parent is television.
- To know me is to love me. And hate yourself
- It takes me an inordinate amount of time to put up the piddling amount of content, worthwhile or otherwise you see before you.
- The worst book I’ve ever read is the Bible.
- I’m kinder than some, taller than most and almost always the smartest one in the room.
- On a completely unrelated note, you can often find me in homeless shelters and psych wards.
- I am currently pursuing an MFA in creative writing at Crunk University.
- Jack of all trades, master of two. One of which is jacking it.
- I no longer know why I’m writing this or why you’re reading it, but I’m OK with that.
So dear reader, I leave you with the immortal question that has plagued mankind since time immemorial: mouth or butt?
Proceed accordingly.


