Movie Reviews

This is as comprehensive a list of every movie I’ve ever seen as I am realistically capable of making. Why couldn’t I have had a blog when I was seven?

It always struck me as odd how the modern academic grading scale is weighted towards failure. Seems like a waste of prime statistical real estate. My attempt to rectify that:

A+ : 10 (9.5-10.0) – Not perfect, yet impossible to improve. A different person came out of the theater than went in.
A- : 9 (8.5-9.4) – When finished, you either have a huge smile slathered on your face or your crying inconsolably. Either way, you got your money’s worth.
B+ : 8 (7.5-8.4) – Only an asshole wouldn’t recommend this to their friends.
B- : 7 (6.5-7.4) – A noticeable, yet still slight, discrepancy between premise and execution.
C+ : 6 (5.5-6.4) – An acceptable way to spend your time.
C- : 5 (4.5-5.4) – If you’re bored and it comes on TV it would be reasonable not to change the channel.
D+ : 4 (3.5-4.4) – Still possibly good, but flawed in some major, intrinsic way. Or a movie intended for a completely different audience, like a kid’s movie with no appeal to adults.
D- : 3 (2.5-3.4) – For example, a terrible ninety minutes, but with a watchable six seconds, possibly nipple related.
F+ : 2 (1.5-2.4) – Technically, still a movie, although its makers clearly had a different definition than you.
F- : 1 (0.0-1.4) – Rot goes to the core. A waste of time and money, not to mention precious mana. An insult to film.

Since there are no decimal places, ratings are rounded up. Mathematically a ‘1’ is the easiest score to get, while a ‘10’ is the hardest, and the average score should be about a ‘6’, which it is.

Movies must be considered in the context of genre and intent. I do my best to account for the vagaries of mood and circumstance. In the case of repeat viewings, any differing opinions are averaged with more weight going to whichever version of me feels the strongest. Clearly, this is an imprecise calculus to say the least.

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