He was right under my nose the whole time! Literally, my nose was in that room over there.

I spend a not insubstantial amount of time thinking about the impending zombpocalypse. How to prepare, necessary survival skills, the best strongholds, the benefits of virological vs. voodoo based outbreaks. I am not alone in this. For all my years of preparation though, I’m disappointed that the simplest idea never occurred to me. Hiding in plain sight.

No one here but us abominations.

Rick, a soft spoken Montrealer has that shit covered. Fucking Canadians! What haven’t they figured out over there? Besides governing themselves, I mean. Hey, we only just got it sorted a few months ago, so no worries.

I was planning on getting tattooed one day, but it seems I have to start saving now. None too soon, apparently.

Well and fucking nigh.

Well and fucking nigh.

Guess what movie/sign of the eschaton opens in theaters tomorrow?

What did large hadrons ever do to you?

What did large hadrons ever do to you?

If you woke up to read this, and are not currently being ripped apart by the tidal forces of a black hole, congratulations Earth! We made it!

Looks like we have until November 4th when the crushing weight of America’s small town values combined with the energy released from the detonation of our nuclear arsenal will collapse the Earth past its Schwarzschild radius and send us to a reality where things actually make sense.

Until then, leave large hadrons alone!

Ay, caramba

They already made this movie. Cheech Marin was already the chihuahua. Race relations were already set back several decades. It was even made by the same people1.

At least when they remade Hulk after only five years a different studio was responsible. What’s your excuse Disney? Have you no shame?

Oh, right.

How you can pass on Lady in the Water but still think this is a good idea is beyond me. Prove me wrong America (with your worthless dollars), but I really don’t see how Oliver & Company benefits from being live action.

Just to be clear: I’m not offended by this as a “latino” or even as someone who doesn’t hate chihuahuas, no I’m offended by this as a human being. With eyes.

Despite their many great accomplishments, including apparently building the Incan city of Machu Picchu, the Aztecs2 got at least one thing wrong. The apocalypse will not wait until December 21, 2012, but instead will drop on October 3, 20083. At least now we have an idea of what form the new cycle of creation will take.

Chihuahuas will inherit the earth.

  1. Well, not literally. They’re in a better place now. Dreamworks? []
  2. By which of course I mean the Mayans. Terence McKenna was Mayan right? []
  3. Good news France, it won’t reach you until April ’09. []