I-Hardly-Know-R!

I know I’m a few months late on this, but I’m about to watch the Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy. I’m not sure what to expect. Well, besides a cheap, fat, lazy, pandering comedian trying to go toe to toe with a panel of his betters.1 But enough about Jeff Foxworthy.

We’re here to talk about this guy.

To be honest, I do appreciate the difficulty of the situation that “Larry” finds himself in. It’s the same problem Stephen Colbert faced when his show first took off, namely whether to ever appear out of character. Despite a few miscalculations like The Love Guru,2 Colbert has been pretty diligent about never straying from his parodic persona. And yet on the rare occasions when he’s interviewed completely out of character, or even more fascinatingly, in a hazy limbo equidistant between fact and fiction, he’s been even more entertaining.

With one exception, I have never seen Dan Whitney perform out of character.


The man has always had style, at least.

There is, however, one other slight, almost negligible difference between the two men: not a single person goes to a “Larry the Cable Guy” comedy show to laugh at the character. Sure, he does self deprecating humor, what comedian doesn’t, and yes, every comedian adopts a persona, but no one is there to enjoy the comedy stylings of Dan Whitney. No one is there ironically. Except maybe David Cross. His audiences, much like the occasional unfortunately out of touch politician on The Colbert Report or The Daily Show are not in on the joke.

Mr. Whitney is not an inept comedian, if nothing else he is savvy as fuck. He figured out out a way to make the most out of his limited skill set. He is even, albeit rarely, capable of some legitimate humor and certainly more so than a Jeff Dunham or a post-success Carlos Mencia.3 This is precisely what I find so offensive about “Larry the Cable Guy”. It pains me to say, but he’s better than this.

Intelligence is a rare enough commodity in this world that pretending you have less than you actually do, unless in the service of some greater good, should be a prosecutable offense. I realize this might be just my axe to grind, but it is sharp and always thirsty. It would be one thing to pretend to be an idiot to make fun of idiots, or to comment on how idiots gain so much attention so easily, or to say something universal about the nature or idiocy. It’s another thing to pretend to be an idiot just to get idiots to line your pockets with (confederate) money. That’s just diabolical.4

The true terror of “Larry the Cable Guy” is not that a fat, unfunny comedian had the balls to try to peddle this sort of mindless, racist, jingoistic, homophobic, xenophobic, smartophobic humor to America, but that America fell for it. The only guy to profit more from 9/11 is Dick Cheney. He really has his finger on the (scrotal) pulse of the nation.5 The true terror of “Larry the Cable Guy” is that we get the comedians we deserve.

I guess I do know what to expect: some of the most savage, smart and innovative mainstream comics to absolutely decimate this buffoon, rip out his heart and piss in his empty skull and then promptly brush up on the history and precise execution of seppuku when they realize he’s more successful than all of them combined will ever be.

So, all in all, good television.

  1. Even the toothless comedians? country music stars? Marcia Bradys? football players? and drug addled madmen that Comedy Central wrangled together can clear that bar. [↩]
  2. Not John Oliver too! [↩]
  3. Hey Dane Cook, want to see what your future looks like? [↩]
  4. The greatest trick Dan Whitney ever played, was convincing the world he doesn’t exist. [↩]
  5. I’m sorry. That was a lazy and offensive joke. Scrotums are marvels of engineering, nature’s adorable little gore-tex thermostats. Scrotums, we salute you. But enough about Lisa Lampanelli. [↩]
September 28, 2009 | About: • • • | Leave a Comment 

It’s not rape if she’s already dead.

Michael Ian Black recently riffed on rape. Prompted by response to a comment he made on twitter1 he descended into a defense on rape as fodder for comedy. Furthering his argument, he quotes Sarah Silverman and in turn demands to be quoted himself.


When you combine rape and Anti-Semitism in the same joke, I’m sorry, you’ve done something right.

- Michael Ian Black

This offends me. Not because of all the rape, or even the racism, but because it’s clear how effortless this rant was for Mr. Black. I fucking toil at this shit right here.

In an attempt to imitate and flatter,2 I present to you one of my favorite rape jokes, or jokes about rape jokes (and a bonus for your troubles), also from a talented female comedian, Morgan Murphy.

Get the Flash Player to see this content.

Good thing I don’t have an office job.

  1. I finally think enough of you (enough=4) actually know what twitter is, relieving me of the imposing task of trying to explain it in a footnote. [↩]
  2. But mostly just imitate. [↩]
March 31, 2009 | About: • • • | Leave a Comment 

Sing it, every actor from everything I like!

You’ve all already seen this, but it’s still worth watching again.

(via the internet)

December 3, 2008 | About: • • | Leave a Comment 

Double True.

October 27, 2008 | About: • • • | 2 Comments 

And/or Kakow

From now on when I think of Stormtroopers they invariably sound like this:

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October 23, 2008 | About: • • • • | 2 Comments 

Oh no! The space time continuum!

Oh no! The space time continuum!

The same matter cannot occupy the same space!

October 19, 2008 | About: • • • | Leave a Comment 

Rape Jokes: A How-to Guide

No:
Get the Flash Player to see this content.

Yes:
Get the Flash Player to see this content.

October 8, 2008 | About: • • • • | Leave a Comment 

Comfortable & Furious

A thoughtful and studied commentary on the current American economic landscape by Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke.

This is the new Norm MacDonald at Bob Saget’s Comedy Central Roast. America is divided over whether to find this funny or not1.

Look at where the status quo and politics as usual have gotten us: AIG, Lehman Brothers, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, some other things I don’t understand, I’m sure. Is it not time for a change? Hmm? Spencer?

Let the healing begin.

(via dooce)

  1. America is only like 35 dudes on the internet, right? [↩]
September 19, 2008 | About: • | Leave a Comment 

The Best Rap Battle

Is it OK to laugh at this? All signs point to yes.

If Hollywood had any balls, this is what 8 Mile would have been. Just straight up elocution and wit.

Also, I could get into a whole thing about how if you just stand back and deconstruct almost any insult they either make no sense or boil down to “you are unloveable,” but that would take too long and not be nearly as funny as just watching this one more time.

September 10, 2008 | About: • • | Leave a Comment 

Change you can believe in taking home to your mother

The internet has been a bit quiet lately. A little too quiet, if you ask me. I don’t know if it was something I said, but there’s been a dearth of animal hijinx or videos of drunk girls dancing in their underwear lately.

Could this be due to one of the few remaining pieces of America’s soul being taken out back to the ridiculous shed and slapped in the face with irony’s dick? Who’s to say. I’m just reporting the facts on the ground. Far be it from me to opine needlessly1.

With all that in mind, however, I present to you a welcome respite from hitting yourselves in the genitals with a ball-peen hammer soaked in Tabasco sauce: a video I could have easily made myself2, that seems appropriate given the state of the nation.

America, vote for Dave. He may have douchey friends, be kind of poor, and probably a latent homosexual, but he’s still more qualified than Princess Mooseburger3.

  1. By the way, when the hell did I become this interested in politics? John Stewart, I blame you. If only he had stayed in the movie business. [↩]
  2. If I had ambition, friends or a camera. [↩]
  3. We would have also accepted Caribou Barbie [↩]
September 9, 2008 | About: • • | Leave a Comment 

XOXO


(via videogum)

Gossip Girl’s second season premiered tonight on the CW. If you missed the first season, this is as good a recap as any. I’m proudbarrased to get every reference in this.

This show is not as good as exective producer Josh Schwartz’s first show, the O.C.; then again it’s not as bad as the O.C. either. As you might have gathered, we have a soft spot in our hearts here for average things, of which this show is a prime example.

Is it silly? Yes. Is it another transparent excuse for disgustingly beautiful people to sex each other up on television? Absolutely. Is it confusing to wonder how the narrator is supposed to be an actual human being that basically just follows this one group of people around at all times and feels compelled to write cryptic and dramatically appropriate posts on a blog that can arguably be called even more niche than the one you’re currently reading1? I don’t even remember the question. Is the show basically just rich white folks enjoying their money? If you’re going to let something like that bother you, I suggest you never open a history book ever again.

So if you don’t like shows where decapitation is covered by most HMOs, or if you really want to know what life must be like for exactly sixteen high school students in Manhattan, or even if you’re just really racist and are offended that the Brandon Walsh character is now black there are worse ways to spend the Monday nights when all your “friends” are busy, all the hookers you usually call are “out of town” and you just don’t feel like dealing with the mess of cutting yourself.

In the end, I can, in all good faith, give the show a resounding endorsement: there’s nothing wrong with this show that isn’t wrong with probably just about everything else you like and/or do. Make of that what you will and proceed accordingly.

Chris Keller’s work here is done.

  1. Well, not really. [↩]
September 1, 2008 | About: • • • | Leave a Comment 

I have no idea how they could top this!

This commercial for the 19th1 season of Prison Break looks promising.

1 Has it really been that long?

August 6, 2008 | About: • • | Leave a Comment 
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