A Human Going

Now that even Zoolander is getting in on the joke, I think it’s time we put it to rest.1

For those of you that have been living under a rock for the past few weeks2, a lovely, serene rock, where you’re safe from the vapidities of modern existence, Joaquin Phoenix has apparently retired from acting to pursue a hip hop music career.

Stranger things have happened.

Witness the following.

There are some who say Mr. Phoenix is simply engaging us in a Kaufmanesque mindfuck of epic proportions. Well, bully for him. Either way, I don’t seem to care.

Don’t worry though Joaquin, I’m still with you, not for your stunning portrayal of a snivelling, cowardly, patricidial bastard3, or for making two of M. Night Shyamalan’s dumbest movies4 slightly more bearable, but for directing a music video in 2005.

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Oh, and also as insurance in case anything ever happens to Zach Galifianakis.5

Stay gold, ponyboy.

  1. By “it” I mean Joaquin Phoenix. []
  2. So, all of you. Boom! A housing market joke, think Leno still needs writers for his new show? []
  3. Johnny Cash? []
  4. I’m sorry, that’s bad writing on my part (I learned it by watching you!). Shyamalan and dumb is a bit redundant; six of one, half-dozen of the self indulgent, half-baked, multi-million dollar bed time stories your kids were too well mannered (I guess they got that from their mother) to tell you were scary as all fuck, but for the entirely wrong reasons other. []
  5. Hey, someone has to play him in the biopic. []