Turning shit into gold (flaked shit)

As if there weren’t reason enough to vote for Barack Obama, he goes and does something like this. I don’t know why I’m just hearing of this now, but this is some serious compellevision™ right here. It’s safe to say my spell was bound and gagged while my gob was thoroughly smacked throughout.

What a wonderful and unexpected quality to have in a potential president. He brings out the best in, literally, the worst.

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Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s still an insufferable skid mark on the cultural landscape, but watching this, I simply want to headbutt him in the solar plexus, not stomp on his testicles while sodomizing him with a loofa.1

If Obama can make a giant, bellicose buffoon look good (relatively speaking), what the fuck can’t he do?

  1. Assuming he’s not into it. []

Two adult tickets, that’ll be $700b.

Two adult tickets, that'll be $700b.

No wonder this campaign feels so familiar. I already saw it in the 7th grade. If I recall correctly, it wasn’t too bad either.1 At least McCain doesn’t hate Jews. He keeps keeps them as pets.

I clearly realize this would have been much funnier and possibly even popular like two weeks ago, but I kept getting distracted by more farcical events and far be it from me to be timely or wise.

Also, I’ve mostly given up on this site being about anything but politics until the election. I have no clue as to what the hell I’m going to talk about come Nov. 5th, but until then, stay gold ponyboy!

  1. This joke is so obvious I assumed someone already made it, but google didn’t think so and who I am to question the deity of the 21st century. Please accept this small token, my lord. []

Double True.

Three conversations, some real, some imagined, on the delicate topic of race

An elderly supporter at a McCain rally:

Quinell: Obama is an Arab.
McCain: No ma’am, [Obama’s] a decent family man, citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues.
Me: So, obviously not an A-rab.

An interview with said supporter:

Reporter: His father was Muslim, and he’s a Christian.
Quinnell: Yeah, but he’s still got Muslim in him. So that’s still part of him. I got all the stuff from the library and I could send you all kinds of stuff on him.
Me: Whoever’s handing out those flyers is doing a fucking amazing job.

In an alternate, slightly more plausible universe:

Reporter: His mother was white and he’s biracial.
Black people: Yeah, but he’s still got White in him. So that’s still part of him. I got all the stuff from the library and I could send you all kinds of stuff. Pretty much the entire History section is just century after century of unspeakable atrocities committed by his ancestors, so you can understand our reluctance.

Scientific fact: the flyer is the most effective means of communication

Scientific fact: the flyer is the most effective means of communication

This is a thing that is real.

Review time:

If we somehow did elect an America hating madman, hell bent on destroying the “very fabric of democracy,” short of lobbing some nukes on his first day of office, he could hardly do a better job than this guy. A man without hope, is a man without fear.

Also, I sympathize, as I too, have a middle name derived from a barbaric Middle Eastern mythology. It’s Hebrew. Stay strong brother.

(image via Warren Ellis)
(video via Deus Ex Malcontent & boingboing)

  1. Also, so many people have forgotten about 9/11. Looking around, it’s like it never happened. You’d never know. []


According to the internet, the candidate most inline with my views this election is Cynthia McKinney, with an impressive 81% compatibility. Not too far behind, at 73% is that other one, you know, the likely 44th President of the United States. At a *cough* still respectable 43% is this guy:

Laying the Alaskan Pipeline

Laying the Alaskan Pipeline

Finally, a platform I can really get behind.

This officially brings to a close the first1 annual Sarah Palin appreciation day. Thank you for your support.

  1. And if there’s a god, the last. []

Oh no! The space time continuum!

Oh no! The space time continuum!

The same matter cannot occupy the same space!

The smartest thing to ever come out of her mouth? Todd’s dick1.

The smartest thing to ever come out of her mouth? Todd's dick.

I certainly wasn’t going to say it… so you can imagine my relief when Ol’ Joe stepped up to the plate.

(via rstevens)

1 Joke lifted from Tucker Max.

Poor Palin

I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels bad for Michael Palin.

Experience Is Key

Experience Is Key

Finally, some experience that counts for something.

President Palin

A peek at what a Palin presidency might look like.