Si se puede…bone.

Si se puede...bone.

If we were going to elect the president based solely on the fuckability of their children1 John McCain wins in a landslide.

Malia and Sasha Obama may have been adorable on Access Hollywood but they have a lot of work to do if they want to keep up with the competition. At least now we know why it was a mistake; adorable doesn’t put asses in the seats.2

Meghan McCain is the Obama of First Daughters3. I will take her over Janet Reno Jr., sorry, Chelsea Clinton any day of the week4. Hell, even the Bush twins5 don’t stand up. In fact, I can’t think of a single legitimate contender, although Al Gore’s daughter did write for Futurama6.

This November, do what’s right, for you, for 9/11, for America, and vote with your hearts and groins.

I obviously need to get laid and I approve this message.

  1. I hear that’s how they do things in Slovakia. []
  2. Electoral or otherwise. []
  3. Change I can believe in… boning. []
  4. Can you blame McCain if this is what he had to go by? []
  5. Not for all the Valtrex in China. []
  6. Let’s just say she tickles my funny boner. []

Who knew libertarianism was so delicious?

Don’t fight it. Just let the desperation wash over you. Accept you can do nothing to change the ridiculous world you were born into. Let your ego die a quiet, dignified death and as your will seeps out of your body and you can no longer tell where You stop and the Universe begins… hit play and PUMP UP THE VOLUME…and be reborn.

I hereby nominate this for Official Summer Jam of ’08. Leona Lewis, you got served.

Pay no attention to the man behind the Oval Office drapes

Can someone please explain this to me?

If you commit a crime and your excuse is that an authority figure coerced you, then rather than reducing your culpability, it actually just makes that authority figure even more guilty than if they had just committed the crimes themselves, even if he’s the president.

This is so plainly obvious that I’m amazed it needs stating, but two-thirds of the senate fail to understand this, so apparently it does.

I never realized the presidential pardon can extend to the president issuing it. The constitution grants the head of the executive branch certain powers but I didn’t know they included wizard powers.

I guess it’s not all bad.