You see what you want to see.

You see what you want to see.

Humans, I would like to briefly address the notion that Sen. Obama was “rude” during the first U.S. presidential debate in Oxford, MS. The two main claims being that he was constantly interrupting Sen. McCain and that while he eventually referred to his opponent as “Senator McCain,” initially, he addressed him simply as “John1,” a sign of disrespect in general, but one that would seem even more improper, given the location of the debate in the South2.

I know there may be dire consequences, but to hell with them; I call shenanigans.

Could it be the despite the formality of the occassion and the somber tone of the last few weeks in the U.S., that Sen. Obama was trying to engage in the debate as a conversation between two men, peers and equals, who happen to be coworkers? Or do you always introduce Larry from Accounting as “Vice President of Financial Affairs3?” Could it be that after half an hour of constantly being told he doesn’t understand things he clearly does, Obama simply started to “get the hint” as it were?

As for cutting off Sen. McCain, it seemed that the majority of the interruptions were in direct response to John’s attacks against Barrack. Besides, how could McCain interrupt someone who wasn’t there?

I’m referring of course, to the fact that Sen. McCain refused to look at Sen. Obama. I don’t mean he couldn’t look him in the eye because of all the stunt politics he had pulled during the week prior, I mean he literally could not gaze upon him. It was as if he were afraid his face would melt off4 or he would crumble to dust before our very eyes5.


I will, however, reluctantly admit there is something to be admired about the Judo like manipulation and savagery of the Republican party. Not only did they have the balls to throw up the least relevant Republican figure head, “America’s Mayor,” Rudy Guiliani6 in the place of “America’s MILF,” Gov. Palin, but one of his main talking points involved ridiculing Barack Obama for agreeing as much as he did with John McCain.

Yeah! Who does that son of a bitch think he is? Treating us with civility and not trying to blindly demonize us7. That’s not how we do things in Amuhrica!

They are trying (and probably succeeding to some extent) to spin one of Obama’s strengths, his diplomacy, his (engineered or not) compassion, into something worthy of ridicule.

The bottom line is that given McCain’s behavior, he acted with a surprising level of grace and humility, or if you’re not willing to go that far, he at least regarded his opponent as a human being. Don’t think for one second that I’m one of those people who think he is the Lord risen8, but if he gets shit on for basically being nice to a confused old man, who as far as I can tell we are not at war with, then something is wrong with us, not him.

Which brings us to tonight’s Vice Presidential debate. What’s the word for anticipating something greatly, while at the same time being terrified that words will be uttered that are so embarrassing, so inappropriate and pathetic, that everyone who hears them will instantly become dumber and less human as a result, basically casting a spell on the audience? You know, like when you watch The Office. Take that and multiply it by seven hundred billion and that’s pretty much how I feel about tonight. Will Joe Biden come off as an off-putting douche? Will Michael Scott Sarah Palin shore up our economy and defeat the evil wizard that threatens the land? Stay tuned true believer!

One thing I do know, and this is not meant to even remotely imply that McCain is racist9 but the fact remains that if Joe Biden treats Sarah Palin with the level of raw, dripping contempt that McCain showed Obama he would not get out of St. Louis (with his penis) alive.

Papa Spank

I for one, can’t wait for tonight’s episode of Old, Black, White or Tits10.

  1. Would Massuh be an acceptable compromise? []
  2. TO: The South RE: The Thirteenth Amendment. Also, why do you let the media get away with calling you and everyone within a few hundred miles of you a racist. []
  3. Or at least when not trolling for ill-advised pussy come last call. []
  4. Obama’s flag pin was forged from the Ark of the Covenant. []
  5. Although, to be fair, there was a good chance that would have happened anyway. []
  6. Remember when you and Hillary Clinton were the front runners? Good times. []
  7. You know who acts like that? Demons. []
  8. Jesus was neither a gentlemen nor a scholar. []
  9. At least no more than the average cantankerous septuagenarian. []
  10. I can’t believe Jim proposed last week! []

The Best Rap Battle

Is it OK to laugh at this? All signs point to yes.

If Hollywood had any balls, this is what 8 Mile would have been. Just straight up elocution and wit.

Also, I could get into a whole thing about how if you just stand back and deconstruct almost any insult they either make no sense or boil down to “you are unloveable,” but that would take too long and not be nearly as funny as just watching this one more time.

Yes, Pecan.

As always, don’t mind me, I’m just fashionably late to the party.

This should not be a news story. That the same can be said for 85% of all news stories is beside the point.

Let’s sum up. The “left” is mad at a “leftist” publication for making fun of the way the “right” typically makes fun of the “left,” Obama in particular, in such a way that the intent might not be clear1. Or to put it another way, rich white people are afraid poor white people will not get the joke2, other rich white people are worried that if the connection between Obama and all these negative stereotypes keeps getting made, regardless of how rich or smart the white person is, it will begin to take hold in their oh-so-pliable brainmeat, while yet a third group finds it patronizing to imply “middle America” will see this cover and think that either Senator Obama is in fact a secret Muslim terrorist, or that the New Yorker is stating this as their opinion.

I’m torn on this “issue.” On the one hand, John Stewart (our most important Jew) put it best when he said the only sane response from Obama would have been “Barack Obama should in no way be upset about the cartoon that depicts him as a Muslim extremist, because you know who gets upset about cartoons? Muslim extremists. On the other hand, the cartoon is, at least in theory, “difficult” because the actual target of the satire is nowhere to be seen. Is it stupid to vastly overestimate the stupidity of others? Surprisingly enough, this is a question that comes up in my life not infrequently. I leave it up to you to decide3.

  1. Simple, right? []
  2. Can a joke be told too well? []
  3. On second thought, maybe I better not. What’s this? A juice box! Where did this come from? Do you want it? Of course you do, who wouldn’t want a juice box? Here you go. You know what, I can’t remember what we were talking about either. []